its not you.. its me.

i find it hard to let you go. the more i struggle. the harder i fall... i reached for your hand. you reached for his. never really imagined it would hurt this much, but then again, i shouldve anticipated it when i first admitted to myself that i love you...

what was i thinking? falling for you. it was already crazy that i fell for you, things got even crazier when i confessed. and things went wild when you told me about how you feel.

and now i suffer the consequences, random thoughts come flooding through my brain.. nagging about how stupid i am to give you that letter... "you shouldn't have..." they keep on telling me... "now suffer..." .. oh yes, i am suffering from the consequences of my thoughtless actions.. but i dont regret a single thing about it.

i can endure the pain and the tears can keep on falling.. i dont really care. i can fake my smiles. sarcasm is easy. im a pro at being sarcastic.

you wont even notice that im dying.

recently, i often find myself spacing out.. imagining things that i know would never become a reality, then end up creating a plot... then id hear that tiny voice again inside my head, "itd make a great story.." .. yes, it would. but it would still be a story... nothing but a story.

a product of a hopeless romantic's imagination.

+ + +

yue : you seem distant. are you avoiding me?

mikeira : no. y?

yue : nothing. just asking.

mikeira : ok.

+ + +

oh how i wish you could see right through me.. beneath those "blank phrases" lie a deeper meaning.. "nothing"s are just walls. to prevent you from seeing the dying me inside. i know i should be contented with what i have.. but sometimes. i just cant help but wonder what would happen if we end up together... sometimes. i just cant help but wish.

i really, really love you.. i hope you know that..

would it be too much if i ask you to pretend to love me too ..?