confessions ... [kundi lang talaga.... nakuu.]

ever had the feeling where you wanted something really bad.. it hurts ? to those who know me, this phrase is already a cliche. but i swear. this time, im bleeding to death.

surreal. you are. you. i heart. its. and.

there's nothing more complicated in my life than you. you. are the reason why my head aches every friggin day of my life. you. you are a problem. you. you. you.

i love you. and you're the kind of problem i want to have everyday.

you make me wear things my mom dont even force me to wear.
you laugh at how i pronnounce english words.

you made me cry.
and yet.... arg.

nga pala, you left your.. err. mickey mouse thing-y with me. and uhh.. the maid costume fits. our maids loved it. they told me i look cute. yes ! ive finally found my real calling ! XD

smile.
congratulate me. my smile yesterday was genuine. i really was happy. honestly. it was my first real smile in weeks .. and i thank you for that.
[..balik kinder ang kababawan ko. kahit nga yung pe shirt mo lang natatawa na ko. yo ! XD..]

im on the edge of a cliff. . . should i take the risk again ?
for you, i certainly would. just give me the go signal and id turn into daredevil and jump. XD

but thinking back, no. wait. yes. err. thinking back. i was just plain stupid. to fall for somebody who already has a boyfriend. but now....... oh pickles ! ~x(

which is wiser ?
> if i would admit to my friend that i like her.. i am completely clueless of what would happen. she could either hate me. love me back. like me. kill me. bury me alive... i dont really know. but at least, i took the risk. and at least, i wont hear those 'little voices' in my head anymore. XD [to those who dont know those 'little voices' im referring to, its those tiny voices that nags you about doing something that you either dont want to do or is still thinking twice about doing it. XD]; and
> if i dont. i am saved from the pain of rejection, i dont have to mourn for my 'crushed' heart again. i wont have to repeat the phrase, 'kasi ikaw eh' again and again. and i wont have to blame myself for being stupid. but... those tiny voices wont be silenced. id even start to ask myself, 'what if' questions. so.. err.. the nagging + what if questions = err. u get the picture...

so.. which is bearable ? rejection or regret ? [teka. naalala ko. one month before kahapon(feb16). is our first meeting. wula lang. KAYA PALA tinatanong nung friend ko kung monthsarry ba namin kahapon!! NAKNG... bang tanga talaga !! ulyanin. tsk.]

[..tas naalala ko. dec16 kami nagkita nung dati kong ka mu. tsk. ang gara ng buhay..... anong meron sa 16 ????]
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when can I see you again? cause you're always in my mind when can i meet you again? cause i'm waiting all the time is it wrong if i tell you what i feel? why are you doing this to me ? i guess it's wrong for me to say those things cause I'm not cool enough for you i know that it is true that i'm not cool but i can give you all of me when can i see you again? cause i wanna tell you i'm sorry why didn't you answered my calls i'm begging you please call me do i need attention from you? but the snobbing that i got and if you ask me if i'm okay well i'll tell you im not. [ice-typecast]
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oo nga... mahal na kita. tandang tsunade.